Life In Return

After listening to Sunday’s sermon again, where my pastor made a joke about personality tests, I was driven (out of curiosity) to take one… so I took the Jung… and here’s the outcome!

Your Type is
INFJ
Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging

Famous people of your particular type
John Bradshaw, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, John Calvin, Nicole Kidman

I knew I liked Calvin for a reason… ha!

From here:
Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists — INFJs gravitate toward such a role — are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

And from here:

The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and enterprising and attentive in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another’s emotions or intentions — good or evil — even before that person is conscious of them. This “mind-reading” can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types to comprehend. Even Counselors can seldom tell how they came to penetrate others’ feelings so keenly.

Quite interesting stuff, and to a huge extent - true.

There is no other jazz song that has my musical heart quite like “Take Five” by the Dave Brubeck Quartet. This song will be on my playlist for decades. I never get tired of it; it’s hands down (to me) one of the best jazz pieces of all time!

I always like a question to which I can give a direct answer, and the answer here is “Yes”. We live in bodies, and with hearts and minds, that if exposed to sin are often brought into bondage to those sins. Different people have different predispositions to addiction. For some it is alcohol, for others it is pornography or nicotine, for yet others it is homosexual lust. So prone are we to sinful addictions that we can turn otherwise good things into bondage, things like chocolate or success in the workplace. So, yes, Christians, like everyone else, can become addicted, because as Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick.”

Let me point out here, however, that when we ask “Can some people be addicted?” we run the risk of greatly misunderstanding the nature of sin. According to the Bible, not only can sin lead to addiction but it always does; not only might we fall into addiction to sin, we all have done so. Our Lord taught, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin.” It is not that every sin leads to an automatic addiction to that sin – although the potential for this ought to fill us with dread. The point is that sinners are addicted not just to this sin or that, but to sin itself.

If you think that is not true, then I invite you simply to stop sinning. But of course, you can’t. In fact, the more you try not to sin, the more you will sin. This was the experience of one famous addict to sin, the apostle Paul. He wrote, in Romans 7:14-19: “We know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate… I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.”

What that means is that we need to be cured not merely of an addiction but of the addiction, that of our whole lives to sin. Paul went on to explain how he came to know deliverance from addiction, what he called “the law of sin and death,” and how we can, too. In Romans 8, he writes, “For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (vv. 2-4). Paul means that God sent Jesus Christ to remove the guilt of our sin by dying in our place, and then sent the Holy Spirit to deliver us from sin’s power. The power of the Holy Spirit, working in our lives through faith, has the purpose of breaking the power of specific sins and ultimately of sin in general. This is why God’s Word can say to all who trust in Jesus: “Sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace” (Rom. 6:14). Law means the working of your strength in the flesh, by which there is no hope for deliverance. But grace is God’s mighty power, through which we have the hope, indeed, even the promise, of ultimate deliverance.

Let me say a word of encouragement, therefore, to all you sin addicts. Maybe it is a substance addiction, like alcoholism, or maybe a certain sin that has taken root in your flesh, in your mind, in your heart. It could be pornography; it could be vicious speech. In all of these cases, you can be delivered by the power of God through Jesus Christ and the working of the Holy Spirit.

Christians can go beyond the mere coping offered by groups like Alcoholics Anonymous – groups who offer people real help but not deliverance. You can be delivered because of the power of God available in Jesus Christ. Indeed, all who have come to Jesus are being delivered not just from this sin or that, but to sin itself. Jesus Christ is leading us out of our sinful state even now, sanctifying us progressively so that we are becoming more and more holy.

Progressive deliverance from sin is the normal experience of a growing Christian. For those areas where we as individuals as particularly under sin’s influence, we need to turn to God in faith and prayer, asking for a new work of power in our lives. In God’s timing, having waited on the Lord, we will be delivered.

But, even better, the day is coming when we will be completely cured, completely delivered, all our loathsome, filthy bondage to sin broken, in the light of the glory of heaven. The apostle John wrote, looking forward keenly to that day: “When he appears we will be like him, because we shall see him as he is.” What glory that will be, to be free, to be like Jesus. Looking forward to it even now helps us to break the bonds of our addiction to sin. John thus concludes, “And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure” (1 John 3:2-3).

Richard Phillips is the chair of the Philadelphia Conference on Reformed Theology and senior pastor of First Presbyterian Church Coral Springs, Margate, Florida.

Another song I have been able to identify with lately… Will You help me through this valley?… Will You help me understand…? Help me understand…

Often in my life, my behavior shows unbelief… my actions, my words, my lack of doing those things I should do… although I know what God’s Word says, and I know His Word to be true, I still demonstrate unbelief…

… “I believe; help my unbelief!”
Mark 9:24

It is my prayer that You will help me through this time in my life, Lord… I cannot love You without You, I cannot please You without You. You are the source of all things, creator, sustainer… All powerful… You in Your omnis - omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent - are sufficient… Your grace is sufficient. I love You God; may my heart’s aim be Your delight and pleasure!

Could I talk to You?
Are You listening?
Would You let me ask the questions
That burn inside of me?
I am reaching out
I am holding on
Feel like one of Your affections
But not quite like I belong
Like I belong

Will You see me through this valley?
Will You hold my outstretched hands?
As the world caves in around me
Will You help me understand?
Help me understand, help me understand

I have been reading a blog this morning that I found by doing a search for ‘Wilton decorating class’. His name is Joseph and he has a lot of great looking recipes that he’s blogged about (including one combining mangos and chicken breast!). While reading a post of his from July of 2006, he says about Wilton’s buttercream recipe:

I should point out a couple more things about the icing. The book calls it “buttercream icing”, even though there is neither butter nor cream. In fact, it’s little more than vegetable shortening and powdered sugar. As I took a taste, I was reminded of something Alton Brown said in the Good Eats episode, The Icing Man Cometh: “heck, these things could all be filled with sawdust, and I’d still want to eat every single one of them.” Wilton apparently took this to heart. Their recipe for “buttercream icing” is just about the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted. I immediately deemed it unfit for human consumption. This stuff is only good for practicing. If you attempt to actually serve it, you should be ashamed of yourself. In fact, I feel bad for using it on a real cake for practice, because the real cake that I baked actually tasted good before I applied this death paste.

I laughed out loud at ‘death paste’. And to think - I was planning to make a birthday cake this weekend, using that same icing recipe. So glad I didn’t. No death paste here! I found a yummy recipe for the buttercream. Also, I have read that regular fondant is not so tasty as well so… I DID find a great recipe for marshmallow fondant, yes!

Yesterday, when I got in from church, I baked a chocolate sour cream pound cake that was absolutely delicious. I brought it in to work (in my wonderful Sterilite cake server) and it is almost gone. I guess they liked it, which is great news! So far, I know how to make:

• chocolate pound cake (my very 1st pound cake!)
• chocolate sour cream pound cake (extremely chocolately… yes!)
• brownie cupcakes (yes, chocolate… see a recurring theme here? I made these this past weekend for a friend’s birthday party)
• tomato and carrot soup (recipe courtesy of my sis Misha)
• spaghetti (I have known how to make this for a while)
• apple cupcakes (didn’t really like the recipe though)
• chocolate peanut clusters (and various flavor variations, i.e. cherry, raspberry, and mint)
• marbleized chocolate mint and pink lollipops (made for a friend’s bridal shower this past weekend)
• sticky chicken (I’ve known how to make this for some years as well)
• quesadillas (different variations!)

I bought a slow cooker on Friday at Target (for $17.99!) so that will add a new dimension to my cooking. I know enough to make atleast 1 full course meal. I think I would like to get a calendar and plan my meals out. The only downside to cooking is that we don’t have a dishwasher, so I am the dishwasher lol. When I bake or cook, it can create a lot of dirty dishes, so that part can be a drag. But… overall, I love this! I look forward to being able to decorate a cake and have a full fledged decorating arsenal (including decorating tips, colored sugars [of which I have 3 now - orange, blue, and black], and a variety of cake pans)! This has been so fun so far. Whenever I visit amazon.com and look at my recommendations, there’s yet ANOTHER pan for me to add to my wishlist, lol. One day, one day, I shall have my arsenal built up!

Payday is upon me! Already, I have paid money on my bills for my car note, car insurance, and cell phone. For $26, I have purchased 2 shirts from C28, purchased 3 CDs and a book from Amazon for $33 (Rush of Fools’ self titled one, Starfield’s “I Will Go”, Shawn McDonald’s “Roots”, and Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “Scarlet Letter”), and have money set aside for groceries, a conference I’m attending next week, my car emissions / inspection, my website bill, baking supplies (in case I want to purchase a cake pan; I do need one to make a sheet cake for a friend’s birthday this weekend), and gas. I have about half a tank so I am going to wait until that gets closer to E before I put more $ in it. It’s all mental. I feel like I am ‘conserving’ money and gas if I wait… again, lol, it’s all mental.

I have been listening to this song by Waterdeep since yesterday, “You Are With Me”. While the music is very moody, the lyrics are very true and simple:

Tomorrow seems like a long ways away
But it will come
Just like any other day

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
Fear no evil
For You are with me

I feel like I forget that alot… One of the adlibs, he says, “Though I’m angry, tired, broken down, or confused, you are with me… Though I sin like I’ve never sinned before, lose myself, run out an open door, You are with me.” God, in all His omnis… He is omnipresent - everywhere. No matter how dark, no matter how bright, no matter how alone, no matter how crowded, He is with me. Like David says in Psalm 139:

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
Psalms 139:2-12

As comforting as it is, sometimes it’s scary! He knows my innermost thoughts…

The LORD–knows the thoughts of man, that they are but a breath.
Psalms 94:11

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12

The struggles that are internal, the struggles that are embarassing and shameful - God sees these. And honestly, I struggle a lot mentally with various things… so while it is a comfort that God sees these (and praise Him that I do not just accept these thoughts, but I DO struggle against them), and it IS scary, it’s also humbling that He sees them and isn’t persuaded to stop loving me or caring for me in light of what He has seen…

You are with me.

Yet more quotes from J.I. Packer’s “Knowing God”:

Psychologically, it is certain that if you habitually focus on your thoughts on an image or picture of the One to whom you are going to pray, you will come to think of Him, and pray to Him, as the image represents Him. Thus you will in this sense “bow down” and “worship” your image; and to the extent to which the image fails to tell the truth about God, to that extent you will fail to worship God in truth. That is why God forbids you and me to make use of images and pictures in our worship.

and

To make an image of God is to take one’s thoughts of Him from a human source, rather than from God Himself; and this is precisely what is wrong with image-making.

As I was on my way in to work this morning, I got pulled over… for the 1st time in my LIFE (and RIGHT around the corner from my job!!!)! I saw the cop get behind me, then saw the lights come on and said to my friend, “Is she pulling me over?” to which my friend responded, “It sure looks that way”. I pulled over and waited for her to come to my window. She asked me if the car was mine, to which I said that it was. She then asked when I bought the car and where. I told her I’d purchased it in ‘05 in Texas and had moved here in July of last year. I’d recently registered my car here in Pennsylvania, but the big 3/08 inspection sticker from TX was still in my window, which is why she pulled me over - TX inspection sticker with PA tags. She asked for my insurance, driver’s license, and registration. I gave her what she asked for and she went to her car after stating she’d be back in a few minutes. After about 15 minutes, she finally came back and explained to me that when I register my car in the state of Pennsylvania, I need to get it inspected as well. She explained a little more of the process to me, then handed me a piece of paper. “You are supposed to get 2 tickets - one for emissions and one for inspection, but I’m just giving you a citation to appear in traffic court”… I’d told her I planned to get it done this weekend when I get paid… “Just bring the inspection certificate with you to court and you should be fine, okay?” I thanked her. “Have a good day,” she said as she walked to her car. “Thank you; you too,” I replied. She thanked me and I drove off.

The cop was merciful to me. I could have been out of money that I didn’t have, but she was kind. I was crying a bit while she was in her car with my insurance and license because this was my 1st time ever getting pulled over. I try my best to obey the laws of the land (Romans 13:1-7) and was glad to be able to say that I’ve never pulled over. It was such an embarassing situation. I am so grateful that the Lord was so gracious in not allowing me to get an actual ticket (or 2!) so…

Praise to the Lord, who over all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires ever have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Once again, I feel the ache in my heart for adoption, especially in light of a dream I had this morning where I was in labor and gave birth to a baby girl. How wonderful it must be to be a mother. As a single woman who is encouraged much to enjoy her single life, I desire to be a wife and a mother very much. In my cooking adventures lately, I’ve longed to have a family to share the pastas, cakes, clusters, and such with. I’ve thought about what a delight it must be to prepare a nice, warm, healthy, filling meal for a hungry husband and children.

My sisters in the Lord, and brothers too, tell me to maximize the time I have when single, and I am. I am learning to cook and bake various things, working on my financial stewardship, learning how to budget, working on implementing healthy lifestyle changes, growing in theology, learning practical application OF the theological knowledge, and then some. I look at Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5, 1 Peter 3:1-6, etc. to see what it looks like as far as Biblical womanhood is concerned. I search the entire Word of God as far as my life as a believer is concerned.

I pray for my husband here and there. I pray that the Lord is strengthening him, that he will cease any habits that are not pleasing to the Lord, that he is growing in Christ, and doing the necessary preparation that needs to take place in order for him to become a Godly husband and father.

And sometimes… it seems as though the opportunities for motherhood and marriage are so far off. I haven’t dated in 2 years, and it’s not because I haven’t had the opportunity; I have. A young Christian woman has to be SO careful with her heart (as do young Christian men). So many brothers only desire to be married without consideration for the heart of the sister they’re pursuing. They pursue an ideal (marriage) versus the ideal woman for them. Some desire to pursue marriage as a means to the end of sexual struggles even. They assume if they get married and are able to have intimacy with their wife, then their sexual struggles will go away. A married brother once told me that other brothers think that marriage solves all of their issues with the physical, yet it only amplifies and magnifies them. Remember that even though she’s a woman, she’s your sister in the Lord Jesus…

I look forward to meeting the man that the Lord has for me, and I pray that I will become a wife whose husband’s heart trusts in her, and who does him good all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12).

I am currently reading ‘Knowing God’ by J.I. Packer and I came across a wonderful piece of truth in it last night:

What matters supremely, therefore, is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it - the fact that HE knows me. I am graven on the palms of His hands. I am never out of His mind. All my knowledge of Him depends on His sustained initiative in knowing me. I know Him because He first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, One who loves me; and there is no moment when His eye is off me, or His attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore when His care falters.

- J.I. Packer

Self denial is the reality of a new creature simply living out what he has become through the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit, living according to his new nature, doing the righteous deeds that he now loves, and putting off the sinful deeds of the fallen, unregenerate flesh which he now hates. It is the willing and joyful response of the regenerate man whose mind has grasped something of God’s glory, something of the worth of Christ’s sacrifice, and something of the greatness of the salvation that has been so freely given to him.
- Paul Washer

One of my things that I decided to do was to create a project once a month. I printed out quite a few recipes from one of my favorite sites, Bake Decorate Celebrate, and wrote months on them so that I could plan my projects in advance. March’s project was creating candy clusters. The 1st batch I made was done with peanuts and yellow ‘drizzle’:

I was SO excited. Sunday morning, I took them all to church and every last one of them was eaten by my church family. I made another batch on Sunday night and took them to work and my coworkers LOVED them. It felt great. I got a great start to my project making. April’s project ? A cake! It will be either a white chocolate pound cake or a lemon daisy cake. I’ll be heading to A.C. Moore and Michael’s tomorrow to pick up supplies. When I shopped at those places last weekend, coupons printed out on my receipts. The one from Michael’s is for 50% off any regularly priced item and the one from A.C. Moore is for 20% off an entire purchase. I plan to get some more squeeze bottles (I accidentally caused one to melt in the microwave lol), candy melts, cake pans, and edible markers. I also need to go grocery shopping this weekend. My list is long. And although I am doing a project a month, you better believe I am learning to cook ‘normal’ things as well. I have recipes that detail the different ways to prepare poultry and fish (I don’t eat beef and pork) and other meal suggestions. I’m pretty amped about all of this. There are so many supplies I need and I can’t afford everything, but little by little, I am building up my ‘arsenal’!

Ahh, the Lord has been so good. I’ve been struggling big time this week with sin. I haven’t been praying and reading like I know I should, but God’s still been merciful, and I have experienced what it means in Romans 2:4 when it says that God’s goodness is meant to lead us to repentance. Definitely. As I sat at my desk yesterday, I thought about this week… how I’ve been fighting with bitterness, pride, impatience, anger, lust, jealousy, and more… I thought about how I’ve been choosing sleep over getting up early to spend time with God and how He’s been keeping me.

He kept me from 3 (yes, 3) possible accidents yesterday, and at the very end of the work day ? He opened a door to share the Gospel with one of my coworkers. He answered a prayer of mine! The door was wide open and I knew that I had to take it. I have had a blessing of breaking down man’s sin nature and the reason for hell. Most people want to hear about the love of God, so it’s been a challenge to break those things down with grace, yet seriousness.

… but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,
1 Peter 3:15 ESV

I praise and thank God for causing me to desire to respond with grace and respect. This is exciting for me, to see the Lord work like this when I’ve been very much slacking. Amazing grace indeed!

A couple of weeks ago, I received a wonderful care package from a really good friend and sister in the Lord, Misha. The package contained Craisins, a quesadilla maker, a cookie sheet, a mixing bowl, measuring cups, lentil beans (with recipe!), towels, white chocolate truffles, a spatula, a pizza cutter, dried refried beans, and a book - Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes. What a way to inspire me to strive toward being a Godly woman and wife and mother to be! Ever since I received the package, I’ve been making quesadillas (lol) and I even purchased a food processor from Target, which excited me to no end. I was on the phone with one of my big brothers in the Lord when I was purchasing it, and he laughed at me. I am so looking forward to this journey.

So what does the journey include ? Cooking, baking, cleaning (and keeping things clean!), reading Scripture (this one will be for the rest of my life), reading books on Biblical womanhood, doing projects, purchasing baking and cooking supplies… Just basically trying to learn and absorb all I can in my single years. I don’t have the responsibility that a wife and mother has so I need to maximize my singleness. I am definitely excited about all of the things I am learning and taking in, observing, and APPLYING during this time.